Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
