My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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