you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize