So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
