but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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