I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize