i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
