I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
