if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
