FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
