I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
