She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
