so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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