im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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