living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
