Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
