I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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