I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
