clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
