Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
