walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
