I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
