You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
