Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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