I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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