I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
