The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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