walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
