it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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