are you still at the devil's house?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
