I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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