If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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