Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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