There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
