2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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