Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
