he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
