ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
