I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
