We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
