She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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