i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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