I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
