and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
