Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
