I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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