i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
