Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
