she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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