is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
