Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
