My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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