who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
His hands were made for my vagina.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
