All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
