I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
