nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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