You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
