Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
