Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
