look no pants
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
