God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
