I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
