I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
